Putting the Rage in Time Arranging... Because management doesn't have enough rage in it.

With an eight show deficit forty seven days into the challenge and the realization that the rest of my life is not about to sit, heel, stay while I go on about my challenge, I had hoped to double dip tonight and do a mic before my regular Monday show.

And then I spaced out and got on the wrong train. I left my house late due to the need to fix a costume for tonight and walk the dog which is not mine, but whose mother left him with me over four months ago and appears to have no intention of retrieving him, so the looking at my feet to ponder my life space out cost me the only precious 15 minutes of a prayer I had to make it to the mic on time, and even then it would be a mad dash, and I woul dmot likely have had to dash out early to make my 8:00 rendezvous with a group of producer who want to pitch a reality show about five up and coming NY comedians, one of them being yours truly. I ended up in Union Square when I had my sights set on the West Village, and rather than show up late, again, which I think is tacky and also I do it all the time and have ladled the last few drops out of my well of "sorry I'm late" excuses, so I jumped ship and, in a wave of almost tears (the dog thing is actually an extremely big issue right now. He is the most beautiful 80 pound commitment I never asked for, and, try as I might, I cannot be a single mom. His mom is on an express train to crazy town, however, so it is a source of much hemming and hawing) I decided to skip the mic and call my mom. And then I cried on the street in front of Barnes and Noble. Perhaps Borders would have been more appropriate, but there were none in sight.

And then I called my dear friend who lives out of town and almost cried again.

And then I felt better.

So no double dipping tonight, but I do have my late show, which I since.

Being kind to yourself can be a bit of a unicorn in this business. Well, not a unicorn, because I do think it exists, but you hear a lot more about it than you actually see people riding them off into the sunset--the unicorn of loving yourself and giving yourself a break when you need it most, being kind but motivated, and not holding it against yourself that you made a costume today rather than work on jokes or get into the city on time.

I am still working on forgiveness. Today was a gloomy day.

Anyone on the market for an 80 pound pit bull who hates cats and loves people? Tomorrow is another day. A day with auditions, photoshoots, and hopefully more than one stand up set for this little kitten. Get it? Kitten?