I came into the world an actor, who got funny enough to turn into a comedian, who got physical enough to become a burlesquer, until burlesque discovered I could talk and turned me into an emcee.

I gave up the cruel world of stand-up for the bedazzles and $50/number of burlesque, until one fateful night and a "win one for the gipper" speech that turned my tides and let me to take a vow to do 365 stand up sets in 365 days.

Will I be lured back into the world of fans and feathers, or will I stay with drink minimums and Comedy Central Specials? Only time will tell.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Ugh...

This is a thing that happens when you're an actor of my generation... possibly just when you're an actor... possibly just when you're a person of my generation... who can say? I've just shared a magnum bottle of red ghetto wine with my roommate while working on costumes and pasties to sell at our show tomorrow, respectively, and I have some things I would like to say.

First of all, when does a to-do list become an I've done list? I'd love to see that day. At this point, I'm not sure I even have it in me to believe that that day exists anywhere in the the scope of the history of humanity.

Secondly, why isn't Disney on instant stream on Netflix? I'm sorry, that $7.99/mo is going towards groceries, and I don't own a TV, ok. What am I, a millionaire? Who owns a real TV these days. I have an ipad. Is that not enough?

Now, onto the point of all of this: I go up for auditions all the time. Mostly commercial at this point. The types of things that could pay me more for a three day shoot than I have ever made in my entire life combined. The type of brainless smile at the tupperwear Target add that a monkey could do... but which monkey? I get really close to some of these things. I'm pretty, smart... you know the drill. But when you were raised on a fat pot of "you can do anything" and end up in the middle of your Saturn Returns with a bif ol plate of rejection, life can seem pretty conflicting. It sucks, matter of fact.

Add into it a love life and a thousand missed opportunities that if only you could get your live together enough to capitalize on them, and you get moi, angry at my Netflix... foggily blogging in the middle of the night and hoping for a whole new world where the Disney movies upon which I were raised were available for the price of an unlmited instant stream membership on Netflix.

Also, I wish I had a machine that brushed my teeth for me while I was asleep. 28 years, and I still get annoyed every night on that long and lonely trek to the sink for some Colgate and a swish or two. Don't even get me started on flossing.  Ugh... flossing. What am I, a robot? Or a millionaire? Or a millionaire robot with a TV and a two DVD's at a time subscription to Netflix?
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